Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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