Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
