I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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