hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize