Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
