Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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