im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
