We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I am available for nakedness
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