I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
