I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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