I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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