Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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