put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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