ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
