So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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