Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize