come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
