just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
