It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
