wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize