I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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