so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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