I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
