If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
