just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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