Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
