Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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