He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
