I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize