I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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