I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
