So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
