I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
