I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
