No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
