so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
