Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
