I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
