I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
