I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I deserve this hangover.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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