He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
