I want to stick my p in your. b.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
