Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize