He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
