SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize