thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
