just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
