Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
