i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize