Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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