I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
