Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
