Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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