the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
