I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
