Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
