We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You're a waste of cheezeits
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
