Where is the hickey?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize