In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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