wanna go halves on a baby?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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