he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just gargled with NyQuil
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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