i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
