I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize