Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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