Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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