i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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